What to do.. what to do..

I'm in a dilemma. This blog was intended to be about goats and dreams and happy endings. I've found it increasingly difficult to be positive and cheery. It's been a struggle. Things are strange and twisted in the land of goat shop dreams.

Do I blog about the real journey I'm taking.. or do I keep this light and fun and happy, which was my original intention? Since this blog is basically for me, any readers that are here, are here of their own volition and not because they are required to be here. I must be true to myself.

When my father passed away I just happened to be enrolled in a few college courses. (That's probably a surprise to some people...). One of my classes was a writing class. I wrote a paper on the events leading up to, and including my father's death. It was all my emotions poured out on paper. I got an "A". A+ actually. And my instructor read it out loud in class as an example of good work. I had to leave the room. It was too much - that was the bad part - but the writing helped me deal with the whole thing (that and the clover). So.. I think I shall write about what's going on. Writing helps.

Today my mother didn't know me. In the past few days she has thought I was several other people. Alma, Carmela, MaryJane . . . Today was different. Today, she thought I was a threat. Today she was SURE she was in deep legal trouble and I was the root of all evil. Today she did not trust me, she did not know me, she did not believe anything I said because I was "the bad guy." She was sure her children were Jerry and Susan (Jerry's wife) and that I was some interloper here to rip her family apart. She was scared to death and I could not calm her - because I was not trusted. I finally helped her call Jerry and produced birth certificates and marriage licenses. Jerry was able to calm her down with promises of contacting legal counsel. Thank goodness for big brothers.

This was, without a doubt one of the worst experiences of my life. I do not wish for this to ever, EVER happen again.