Pea Salad

This lay-off process has been enlightening. I found out that if there is a way to complicate things, the government will find a way. I also found out that I can't "Just be layed off." Even if that's what I want.

Here's how it works (because I know you want to know):

Picture a dozen jars on a shelf. In each jar are hundreds of peas. Each pea has an owner with a unique number. The process says I must find three peas that might be something I can do. I must go through each jar and examine each pea. If I think it MIGHT be a pea I want, I must contact "the keeper of the jars" to find out more about the pea. I must cross reference the pea with assorted databases to ensure that I meet the minimum qualifications, and the special qualifications, and that the owner of the pea has a lower number than I do. This information is not kept in one place and the owner of the pea is considered confidential information so I have to cross-reference that information with the pea ownership database.

During the week I'm given to sort through the peas I must also complete a "generic" one-size-fits-all pea application.

At the end of the week (5:00 today) I must submit my application along with the name of the jar(s) that contain my chosen peas. I must not tell them which pea I want in the jar (it's a secret!). THEY will compare my application with each and every pea in the jar and try to guess which one I selected.

If someone else that's been laid off has chosen the same pea the person with the highest number get's it and the other person is out of luck. If the pea I've chosen just happens to be on the lay off list (because we're not allowed to know that either) we're out of luck. If the information on the pea is incorrect and I don't really qualify afterall, I'm out of luck. "The keeper of the jars" might choose something else from the jar that they think is a better fit.

Then - I get the pea, the pea owner get's laid off and must start the process of sorting through the jars of peas. It sucks and I find it completely reprehensible.

Today I turn in my application and jar choices. I'll know in a week what has been decided.

The three jars I've chosen are the Information Systems 4 jar, the Communications & Training jar and the Project Manager jar. That means by the end of July I might be working the computer help desk, creating training, deciding what temperature our conference rooms will be set at or collecting unemployment (because none of my selected jars had peas that were a good fit) and looking for work as a WalMart greeter.

What an adventure!