Mary Hotho

Mom, about 1942

My mom died Monday.  It was swift and peaceful.  She had been struggling with her health for years, she was so very tired and I know she was confident she had finished her business here.

Within hours my brother, Jerry was on a plane headed west, Peter was in his car headed south and my friend Sherry showed up at my door to "just be there" for me.  I am blessed by these people and so many others.  This world is full of good humans.

As Jerry and I were sitting at the funeral home yesterday we were charged with writing her obituary.  Not an easy task, but they had this handy form to prompt your memories and give you ideas to write about.  A couple things came to light.  Mom loved flowers.  She could bring a dead, shriveled up, hopeless scrap of a plant back to life and make it explode in the glory of it's plantness.  It would thrive and grow.  I shall never see an angel wing begonia and not think of her. 

The second thing that stood out about my mom is her love for her family.  She struggled long and hard for children and considered Jerry and I precious gifts, rarely letting an opportunity pass without letting us know.  In fact, while going through her things yesterday we found several notes confirming that very thing, specifically put there for us to find after she "was gone."

My mom's love for us was so strong it was sometimes stifling.  Jerry wasn't allowed to go to Germany and I wasn't allowed to smoke, drink, have sex or go outside the boundaries of 82nd, 182nd, Powell and Halsey without permission.  It was completely awful.  (not.)

Mom taught me to be strong, to allow myself to depend on another, as long as I knew I could do it on my own if I had to.  She taught me to bake, sew, swing a hammer, pour concrete and tear up concrete.  She never managed to teach me to do laundry very well.  I can live with that.

Cleverly and subtly, by example, she taught me to pay attention to which garage door I opened before backing the car out.  She taught me drills can go in reverse and that drilling 100+ holes takes a lot longer if that is the setting.  She taught me how to be a good mom.

She taught me to love my children, to love my life and to appreciate all the wonders in the world.

Now.. for a few of my favorite Mom quotes:

• Look kids!  There's a deer!
• Look kids!  There's a hawk!
• Look kids!  A mailbox!
• Why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free??
• I should trade you for a rubber duck!
• Well plutycrat!  (that would be pronounced ploo-teeee-crat)
• Call me when you get there!
• You know what I thought did? (except I could never actually remember what I thought did)

Mary Hotho, 1925 - 2010
Ernie Hotho, 1928 - 1992

Love you Mom.  Say Hi to Dad.  Call me when you get there.

What a day, what a day...

My mom is doing well. Uh.. TOO well. I'm sure you want to know HOW that can be possible. Well here's the thing. I've been purging, and reclaiming my house and it's contents as my own. My mom has started asking for things that she now remembers. The other day she decided she wanted "those flowered towels" that I had secretly given to charity. I quickly changed the subject. Now she is deciding she wants to call people and she wants her cell phone back. I got rid of that too! I got problems.

Not to mention that my little Honda seems to have a big target painted on it. It was sitting peacefully in a parking lot when a big Chevy Suburban decided to smash into it. My daughter was behind the wheel, watching the action in her rearview mirror, honking furiously trying to alert the driver to know avail.

Knitting is going fabulously. I think I have callouses forming on my fingers. I'll include a picture of my projects once they are done. I have two in the works. I'm still so fascinated by the whole felting process I just can't get enough. Yay.. it's fun!

Mutella-Sportwolle Staufen-Wolle

I don't know exactly what that means but I went second-hand store-ing yesterday and found three hanks of the stuff for 49cents a hank. It's not the prettiest color and I later found out it means wool (I was pretty sure it did) but what a score! I'm certain I shall find some perfect use for it. I also bought three sets of knitting needles and an etui. I did not pay over 49 cents for anything.

I started a project Thursday night and finished it this morning. It was an exercise in learning new techniques. It was the first time I made something in pieces and then had to assemble it. Can you see the bumps in it? Those are knots that I had to learn how to make. The pattern called for chunky wool yarn (something I just can't find locally) so I tried using two smaller strands together - a purple and a white - yet another technique I had to figure out. I think it came out very nice. I just have NO idea what to use it for.

My house needs cleaning though. I wish someone would come and do it for me so I can concentrate on my knitting and not be so distracted by the chaos and clutter surrounding me. The laundry is piling up, the dust & dog hair are getting deeper and someone keeps dumping junk mail in a heap on the kitchen table.

I did get away from the knitting and the cluttered house today. Jill and I went to Ikea. 3 hours of wandering around in a daze in a maze. A person could get lost in that store. It was awfully fun. I bought a wire whisk. That's like going to Costco and only walking out with a bag of potato chips. It's unheard of. But, in fact, we also bought a plastic grocery bag holder/dispenser and a bookcase for Jill's room.

Yesterday I took mom out to lunch and to get her nails done. She's still looking for small trees in her food. You know.. the community trees. And she's still telling amazing tales.

Recently her 80-something year old friend Dorothy has gotten pregnant through some experiments (and some midnight rendezvous in a field). She also recently purchased the facility my mother lives in AND she's apparently turned to "working the night shift" (wink wink) in order to support all of her babies because the daddy to all the babies is a deadbeat. I asked my mom to think about it carefully and to decide if it was really possible that Dorothy had babies right now. My mother's reply in defense of Dorothy was "if Dorothy wanted to do it, she'd find a way!"

Spa Day

Again.. not spa day for ME ~ some day it will be I hope. Today was spa day for my mom.

She has been doing much better the last week or two. Ever since Christmas really. It's very exciting and encouraging.

I picked her up for lunch and to get her hair cut today and she announced she wanted her nails done too. My mother has NEVER had her nails done. She was a manicure and pedicure virgin. But not any more! She even got her nails painted a lovely shade of pink. I don't think I've ever seen her with painted nails before in my life. I guess that means you're never too old to try new things.

After it was all over she said it was a much better experience than she had thought it would be. She said she thought it would be boring. But it wasn't.

She reallly liked the foot massage and the hand massage and she wants to go back!

512 days

I spent the day going through my Mom's stuff today. I was supposed to get my oil changed, take her to the hair dresser, take her to lunch but I got started and just didn't want to quit. I tried to make progress.

Amongst her stuff I found stuff like this which I must find new homes for:

And this very scarey thing which I threw away without any guilt at all:
Then I sorted through all my knitting projects and actually finished my third coffee cozie. The first was straight knitting. Then it was knit two, perl two. Then it was knit one, perl one with some color added. I think I'm getting better! I think I am. Please don't tell me differently.

The Telephone Game

Remember that game from your childhood?

It all started out so simply. My plan: Phone my mom to tell her I was on my way to take her to a doctor appointment.

Ring ring. ring ring (times a gazillion.. it takes her forever to answer the phone!)

Her: Hello. Hang on.

(shuffle shuffle, rustle, wheeze, pant, shuffle. I hummed the theme from Jeopardy at least twice while waiting)

Her (finally): okay.

Me: Hello

Her: What?

Me: Hello There!

Her: You're going to the fair?

Me: No. I wanted to say Hi.

Her: You're crying??

Me: No. I just wanted to.. sigh.. How are you today?

Her: Who is this?

Me: It's Sharon. Your daughter.

Her: Who?

Me: SHARON.

Her: oh. what do you want?

Me: I was calling to say I was coming over.

Her: Come on over then. click.


She called me tonight after dinner to tell me how lovely and surprising the evening was and how gracious everyone was. It was a lovely party and she was sorry I missed it.

I love my mother. She is one of things I am thankful for.

I hope one and all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and that you can all find something, anything, even weird things, to be thankful for.

Thank you. Thank you very much!

My mom called me at work today. She was upset.
She could not continue to live where she was. She wanted me to find her a small house where she could live out her days. SOMETHING had to be done.

I assured her I would be there shortly and would take care of everything.

I arrived just before dinner. I sat with her during dinner to see if I saw the situation she was having so much trouble with. I didn't. But during dinner a table mate shared the story of her surprise 90th birthday party. Shortly after than my mother said, "Isn't this a suprise!"
The other diner said, "Why yes, it was wonderful."

A few minutes later Mom said, "I'm so surprised by all this."

The other diner said, "It was very lovely."
(obviously two different conversations going..)

When Mom was done eating I asked her if she was ready to go back to her room. She couldn't understand why we would leave before all the other people.

After much persuasion she finally got up out of her chair to leave the dining room. As we were leaving she turned to the room, and in a very loud and clear voice she said,

"Thank you everyone for coming. Thank you. It was lovely."

One lady on the other side of the room replied, "You're welcome!"

I almost laughed myself silly.

(and by then she had completely forgotten about her earlier issues.)

Less that 600 days!

592, to be exact. Just thought I would throw that out there because, on occasion, that is the only thing that keeps me going.

What an adventure today was! I'm supposed to be going back to work now. The "company" says they need me. I suppose maybe. Anyway, the great plan was to take mom back to her place about 8:00 and show up at work at 9:00. Only two hours late.

There were two snags in my little plan.

1. Mom didn't wake up until after 8:00; and then when she DID wake up
2. She refused to go.

#2 was the big problem. She told me that she felt abandoned and wanted to go live in Texas, or wherever my brother lives (he lives in Florida) and be with someone who would actually care about her, take care of her and help her. She wanted someone she could count on.

I probably don't need to go into detail on my feelings about those statements. Not that my brother wouldn't fill all those rolls. He's utterly awesome and would SO be there for her if he didn't live 3000 miles away. My thoughts really centered around me. It's all about me, after all.

But I digress.. After an intense, long and emotional discussion she agreed to go back and CONSIDER living there. But first I took her to get her hair done (I know.. girls! The things that make them feel better!) and then I took her to lunch (Food! The universal fix for anything!). I settled her in and left her alone for two hours - as a test. She passed.

I have charged a couple lol's (little old ladies) with bringing mom into the community environment. Yeah Cinny and Barb! They promise to drag her kicking and screaming (if necessary) to bingo games, bunco games, crossword puzzle hour, music minute, wii bowling..

Now we wait to see if she is able to tolerate the night and the next few days.

Slumber Party!

This is Silverton Reservoir. It's beautiful in it's fall colors. I was there today enjoying beautiful weather and gorgeous scenery.

You see.. I made a mistake at work. About 3:00 I said to a co worker, "Only 3 more hours and I'll have worked a WHOLE day! How unusual will that be??" Shortly after my phone rang. My mom was in a panic. She was claustrophobic and wanted me to come and remove all the stuff on her walls - and her furniture - and well.. everything. I went over and whisked her away for a drive in the country. I thought for sure that would make her better. Then I bought her ice cream and a hamburger. Ice cream almost always makes ME feel better and I was raised to believe that food fixes everything. ("Here Sharon, have some cookies/cake/soup/jello/pork/potatoes. That will make your stomach ache/broken heart/fender bender/bad day/lost car keys all better!")

When I got her back to her apartment she was still unsettled. I removed all the photos that we painstakingly hung. Not good enough. I removed the TV I had Peter take over there on Sunday. Not enough. I removed the lamp and hid the plants and clock and .. well.. everything. she was still in a tizzy.

So I brought her home. I hauled Peter's bed down the stairs, set up her room for her and made her comfy. She was asleep in less than 20 minutes.

Tomorrow I will feed her a really big breakfast and add some ice cream and cookies. That'll fix it!

I'm getting professional help.

oh.. not THAT kind of professional help. Some day maybe, but not just yet.

My goat cheese was a success. The flavor, a bit bland. So I went out and purchased a book.. "Making Artisan Cheese"

I still have 1/2 gallon of Goat's milk in the freezer to experiment with and now I have professional help and actual recipes.

On to the "mom" front. We have a move date. Friday, October 9. We found a lovely place with a studio apartment, a view of the garden and solarium and appropriate assistance. She's already picking out what she wants to take and was ready to start moving today. I think that's a good sign. It might mean she is sick of me though. Sometimes I don't blame her.

The History of things

Today my mother became obsessed with sharing the history on everything in the house. She had, had, HAD to tell me where this came from, how old it was, how much it cost, who should get it, who I should hide it from as apparently, she KNEW "they" wanted it bad enough to steal it..

She could not be dissuaded from her monologue. She could not be distracted. I was trying to work on a project for the "exec-staff" that had a 5:00 deadline and she demanded I stop everything and listen to her tell stories about these things. So.. what could I do but listen? She dragged me out of the room we were in - because she didn't want the imaginary people listening and then started telling me her stories. The funny thing is she got so much of it wrong! I'm glad I remember the original stories of these thiings. I've been hearing about them for 50 years (shy of about a week!) I know them pretty well by now.

Tupperware intervention

It was cruel. My mother loves her tupperware. But a couple things are going on in my house. The new floor required we move a bunch of stuff into the garage which now has to be put back and my son moved out this past week.

I'm trying to make sense out of my chaotic household. I'm trying to minimize and organize and fantasize. I began my mission with the tupperware. I took most (not all) of the tupperware in cupboards around the house and put it in a pile. She has many pieces still in her room and there are gazillions of containers still filled with cereal and crackers and pasta and... I brought my mother out to the pile of plastic so she could have input into what we kept and what we didn't. She wants it all of course. By the end of the discussion she conceded to selling one piece in our garage sale.

I suppose that's progress.

Diagnosis

I took my mom to neurologist #2 today. He was nothing like Dr. Ass. This man was kind, caring, thoughtful. He listened. He was patient. He had a sense of humor. When all was said and done, diagnosis: Alzheimer's. Raise your hand if you're surprised.

Peter (the finest Chiropractic Neurologist in the world!) asked me why I was seeking a diagnosis. Why a label mattered. I didn't have an answer for him then. I think I do now.

I needed to have a name for this thing that was stealing my mother from me. I needed to know the name of the enemy. Now I know. Now I know what to research. Now I know what the future holds.

I can not control this - but at least now I KNOW what it is I can not control. I know what expectations to have. Knowledge is power. I will continue to follow all of Peter's recommendations - Goodness knows he has more constructive and helpful knowledge and advice than all these other dr's combined.

New topic!

I found the perfect beverage for my 50th birthday celebration.

Small painted Chinese men with body odor - but no kissing

It's still hot. and yes.. this is a margarita. I think I shall drink many.

I came home from work today and my mother said there had been a small Chinese man "all painted up" napping on our couch this afternoon. I asked for details. The conversation went like this..

Mom: He had body odor.
Me: He did?
Mom: Did he kiss? I don't know. Not ME!

I'm so glad to hear that small painted Chinese men with body odor had not been kissing on my mother today. What would the neighbors think??

Today is NOT my mother's birthday

You know.. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

My mom thought today was her birthday. She waited all day for her son (my brother to call her). She waited for me to call from work to wish her a happy birthday. She waited for a cake. She anticipated going out to dinner. She showered and dressed and did her hair.

Jill called me at work about 5:45 to tell me how unhappy Grammy was that no one remembered her birthday and that she was expecting dinner out at the restaurant of her choice.

She was quite flummoxed to find out that her birthday isn't until Sunday. We went to dinner anyway and called my brother on the way. We had a fine celebration. The waitress didn't understand at all, why we said things like.. "you should have ice cream! after all, it's not your birthday!"

698:14:38

My day started off with my mother informing she had been having chest pains. I started to call 911 - but she poo-poo'd it and wanted me to drive her to the hospital. Then there was a discussion of which hospital and by the time we finished she wasn't sure she had even had pains and she confessed that the "machine on the counter" was telling her she was having a heart attack and the people on the wall were all sharing THEIR heart attack stories... I worked from home today just to keep an eye on her (thank goodness I have a job that allows me to do that!) She seems to be fine and the pains she had were most likely just a bad dream.

Then she started looking for worms in the floor again. I told her she imagined them. When she was napping I found one (in the kitchen.. and it was a small catepillar.)

The looney bin is thriving!

On a non-looney bin note.. I'm so excited! My floor is here. I want to tear into the carpet right now! I've already mentioned that I don't do the whole "sit and wait" thing very well. And I don't. I know the razor knife is just a few yards away and it would be SO easy to cut into this carpet. I'm dying to see what is lurking underneath the surface.

But I will wait for Peter to come down to help. Maybe...

708:13:30 - Treasure Hunt!

I bought pistachio's today. I love pistachio's. I bought them mostly for enjoyment on my way to Peters on Wednesday, but some for snacking on now.

I was just craving a pistachio and went to get my newly purchased purchase. I couldn't find them. I looked high. I looked low. I looked in the pantry. I looked in the laundry room. I looked in each and every cupboard in the kitchen. I finally found a small portion of them in a tupperware next to the fish tank. Makes perfect sense to me.. Nuts, fish.. nuts, fish. Perhaps that the fish in the tank is named Dill made it seem to be an obvious choice to my mom. I still have not located the main container of them. Nor have I found any sign of the peanuts I also bought today.

My mother loves tupperware and tupperware is NOT the same as rubbermaid. When I bring stuff home from the grocery (cereal, macaroni, nuts) she immediately removes it from the original package, places it in un-marked or mis-marked tupperware and stashes it somewhere. Sometimes she mixes it together. Yumm! Rice Krispies, Cocoa Puffs and Life cereal - a treat to remember! I'm sure, at this point I have long-forgotten food stashed under beds and in cupboards that some future archeologist will consider a rare and unique find. The tupperware should certainly keep it safe.

It's like a treasure hunt every day. Not only does she hide new stuff I buy.. but she will move things from one container to another and you can never find the thing you're looking for when you're looking for it. She re-locates all the kitchen items at whim. At Thanksgiving we didn't find the good silver until the next day - when she mysteriously found it in her underwear drawer.

Someday I hope to have control of my kitchen and my "stuff"... but I know that when I do.. some of the excitement and adventure I get to enjoy now will be gone and it probably will not be nearly as sweet as I think it will be.

Day 66 - Doctors!

I took my mother to a neurologist yesterday. As I vowed early on not to say anything bad about anyone on this blog.. I will simply say that he and I had a difference of opinion and quite possible the entire problem was my own.

I am certain that it was my own post-weekend exhaustion that caused me to perceive his actions and words as arrogant and uninformed. Not to mention just plain stupid. I'm certain that if I were not so tired I would not have been offended by his brusque and rude manner or his high-handed handling of my dear mother.

It's not him.. it's me.

At his recommendation my mother got an EEG today. It was an interesting process. This is the only recommendation of his that we will be following and I do not believe we will be returning to his fine office. I think, instead, I shall refer my mother to the best Chiropractic Neurologist in the Northwest. Thank goodness I know who that is!

I also took Sophie back to the vet today. One of these days I should probably work a full week - or at the very least - a full day.

Day 40

Nothing about goats today, nothing interesting happened today.. However - Let me share something I think is funny.

My daughter's boyfriend likes to make music videos. He was over at our house on Sunday and filmed most of this video. The stars are the b.f. Zeke and a friend named Virginia, there are cameo's of my mother and my dog Sparky. Don't blink, you will miss them!